That Fuzzy Feeling
by Hawkeyeisms
Summary: One shot of how I wished their night before Ilos would have gone. Kaidan/FemShepard


_One Shot._

_Rated M for sexual/sensual nature._

_I felt they were both a bit impersonal for this situation, especially after they had sex. _ So this is how I wished Shepard's and Kaidan's night befor Ilos would have went._

_Reviews welcome._

He paced repeatedly in front of the cold metal door. What would he say to her now that he gathered the courage to speak to her? Casually, he pushed the button, his nerve threatening to flee as the doors slid open. Taking a step inside, he breathed in deeply, "Commander?" Kaidan asked, as even toned as he could manage. This woman did things to him no other had. He had yet to have an explanation why. Sure they flirted frequently, but it was out amusement, right?

"Not sure I deserve to be called that anymore." Shepard said, her ice-blue eyes searing deeply into his own chocolate brown ones as she stepped away from her desk. She tucked a small strand of loose auburn hair behind her ears. Shepard tried to remain casual as she took in the sight that was Lieutenant Alenko. He wasn't exactly what she had figured for her type. He was tall, well built, and very soft spoken. True he was well off in the looks department, and had an ass every woman coveted, but she knew she shouldn't think of him that way. Yes they flirted, and yes she valued his opinions more than anyone else on her ship, but it was because he was a good officer, nothing more.

"For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing, Commander." Kaidan replied earnestly, his palms beginning to sweat. Being this close to her made him nervous, even in formality. He eyed her cautiously. She was, by most standards, drop dead gorgeous though she would never see it. Shepard rarely thought about looks, rather to her it was duty first, which explains why the Alliance regards her so highly. Kaidan shook off the images forming in his head as he eyed Shepard.

"Kaidan, don't you think you're long past being my subordinate?" She asked him shyly as she took a step toward him. They were inches apart now, able to feel the other's body heat. Shepard reached a hand out, and touched his arm.

"Shepard, battlefield flirting is one thing, but there are regulations against fraternization!" Kaidan stated sharply. He knew how he felt about Shepard, how much he wanted to kiss her, touch her, and just be with her. "Then again, I think it will be pretty far down the list of charges at our courts martial." He smirked, moving closer to her, his hands on her waist. "This can't change our daily duties, Shepard. These are good people here. I have to know you won't put me first because of our feelings." He stated simply. It wasn't a suggestion nor a request, just a statement. He noticed a flicker of sadness in her eyes as she looked up at him.

"You mean back on Virmire?" She sighed leaning into his chest, taking in his warmth and comfort. "I told you all in the debriefing room that I couldn't have left you behind because you were too valuable to the team. That you were more of an asset than Williams, what with your biotics and tech skills." She choked up, and let a tear fall before continuing on. "Hell Kaidan, I'm a biotic as well, Garrus and Tali have amazing tech skills. I just couldn't bear the thought of loosing you, even then." She replied, her voice breaking as she began to really cry into his chest. She had let emotion get in the way of judgment, not matter if she had made the same call for logical reasons.

Kaidan was taken aback by Shepard's confessions. 'Does she feel more than just attraction?' He thought to himself. He had never seen_ his_ Shepard cry, not even flinch, and now here she was breaking down in his arms. "Shepard, you made a call, Ashley didn't blame your for it, neither do I. For better or for worse, I am here." Kaidan breathed, kissing her forehead as he wrapped his strong arms around her. He was a bit scared. She made him feel so unexplainable, made him feel _human._

Shepard lifted her head up and smiled at him, her heart skipping a beat as she looked into his eyes. Kaidan moved slowly, gracefully, as he slide one hand around her waist and place the other at the base of her skull and kissed per passionately. As they ended the kiss he smiled softly. "You're unlike any woman I've ever met Shepard. You didn't even flinch when I told you about what happened at Jump Zero. Shepard, you… you make feel feel human. Hell you make me feel anything at all." He said running his fingers through her hair, sending a chill up her spine. He swallowed hard, he knew at this moment what he felt for her, why he acted the way he did around her, why her eyes captivated him so. "Shepard, I…I love you."

Taken aback, she took a step backward, more out of shock than anything else. Her face flushed a deep red as she made it apparent she had no idea how to respond. He swallowed hard before attempting to collect his thoughts. Kaidan cursed himself mentally, not knowing why he said those words, no matter how true they may be. "Kaidan, please don't say those words to me. I know this mission is likely a suicide mission, but still, you shouldn't say things you don't mean." She said, tears forming once more in her sapphire eyes. He loved him, truly loved him and couldn't bear the emotional throwback of him saying the same out of fear.

Kaidan approached her once more, "Shepard, I didn't say those things because I think we're going to die. I said them because I mean it. I love you more than life itself. I always have, since the day you walked aboard the Normandy." He said softly, pulling her small frame to his. "After all this is said and done, I'd like to see where this can go, because I don't plan to die tomorrow." He said, a goofy smile on his face as his body illuminated a bright blue. He grabbed her body, lifted her up, and kissed her deeply moving her toward her bed. Shepard long forgot the terminal on her desk as Kaidan laid her down slowly, kissing her neck. "Kaidan, I know you've had a bit of practice with this, but I haven't." She said breathily. He stopped as he listed his head, an amused look in his eyes.

"Actually Shepard, I have only done this once before." He admitted, blushing slightly. "And that was a long time ago." He said as he began kissing her again, loosening her hair from its bun so that it flowed freely to her shoulders. To Kaidan such beauty was only seen in stories, fables about princesses for small girls. Shepard moaned lightly as his fingertips grazed her bare stomach. She leaned forward to nip his ear, making him groan deeply and push his body into hers. Her biotics flickered for a second, contacting with his. He kissed her softly as he lifted her shirt from her body, moving his fingertips lightly as he did so causing her to moan again. He enjoyed teasing her, making her want him that much more.

Kaidan definitely pushed her buttons, making her crazy for him. She breathed in his scent as she went forward to nip at his ear again. This time she rolled over onto him. "Well, Lieutenant, how did it feel to have a Commander under you for a brief moment?" She smirked as she trailed kisses down his chest. "Amazing ma'am." He breathed, trying to remain composed as he felt his belt unbuckle. Kaidan looked down to see her unzipping his slacks with her teeth. _'This woman will be the death of me.'_ He thought to himself as he grabbed her, slamming her backwards onto the bed. The rest of their clothes followed suit, ending up in a meshed mile on the floor.

"I don't want to hurt you." Kaidan confessed as she pulled him to her. If she was a virgin, he didn't want to be the one to take away that special something. Or did he? Part of him wanted to be her first. And only. She smiled to him, a knowing look in her eyes. "Kaidan, I love you. I want you, all of you. I have thought about this." She said, her voice quiet and loving, but sure. "I'll take it slow." He promised her as he slowly entered her, causing a firm grip on his shoulders.

She was no stranger to pain, but this was an all new sort. At first it was more pressure, and then she felt the pain. It was sharp, but over soon as feelings of something else took its place. She looked up at Kaidan letting him know she was okay, and he proceeded to quicken his pace. Shepard had never felt ecstasy like this. She moaned loudly, gripping his hair as he moved quicker within her. He kissed her neckline, moving to her peaking breasts as he continued to move. As she rolled over, she kissed him deeply urging him on. She was down beneath him, breathing him in as she felt her body tingle. The room disappeared as they found their orgasm simultaneously, holding tightly to one another.

Taking a few deep breaths, Kaidan rolled onto the bed and smiled to Shepard. "I love you Shepard." He breathed, kissing her forehead. She knew that in no time Joker would be telling her they were nearing Ilos, and for that she was sad, but she couldn't tear herself away from him, not yet. She moved closer to him, allowing him to wrap his arms around her as they cuddled closely, drifting off to sleep.

"Commander, we're five minutes out." Joker spoke loudly over the ship's communications link, jolting her awake. She looked to see Kaidan waking as well, a bittersweet smile on his face. She felt the same smile creep onto her face. "I'll be there in a few Joker." She pushed a button, calling back. Shepard kissed him lightly on the lips. "I love you Lieutenant Alenko." She said as she stood up from the bed, dressing in her Alliance casuals, handing him his as well. The clothing felt restrictive, almost as if too small. Her body yearned to hop back into the bed and curl up next to his, but she knew this was not an option. They had a dangerous, possibly fatal job ahead, and only she and her crew could do it.

Kaidan dressed quietly. He had a million different scenarios running through his mind. He would protect her no matter the cost. He knew that things had changed, but professionalism was the key to keeping them together. If the Alliance suspected nothing, then there would be no reason to separate them if they lived through this. "I love you too Commander Shepard." He said kissing her sweetly. "Go on. Joker needs you on the bridge." He smiled, pushing her playfully toward the door. "I'll meet you up there in a few minutes. Promise." He said, gripping her hand one last time. They would brave this storm together, and should they win the day, he would see to it she was happy with him. He loved her, and she loved him. They both felt they could take on the galaxy, and right now they kind of had to.


End file.
